Balancing Military Life and Motherhood: My Story and Tips
Military life and motherhood—two demanding roles that, when combined, create a unique and sometimes overwhelming experience. I know this firsthand because I’ve been living it for years. My husband joined the Army when he was just 18, and we officially started dating when we were both 19. Since then, military life has shaped our journey in ways I never could have predicted. It hasn’t always been easy—far from it. But despite the challenges, I’ve found ways to navigate this lifestyle, embrace the opportunities, and make it work for our family.
For those just starting their military adventure, I want to share my experiences and the biggest lessons I’ve learned along the way. Whether you’re newly married to a service member or expecting your first child, these tips can help you find balance and thrive in military life and motherhood.
1. Reach Out and Build a Support System
One of the most important things I learned early on was to connect with other military spouses. When you first arrive at a new duty station, it can be overwhelming. Everything is unfamiliar—the base layout, the community, the resources available to you. Finding someone who has been there for a while can be a lifesaver. They can show you where everything is, explain military procedures, and provide guidance on who to reach out to within the unit.
You don’t have to join every group or attend every event organized by your spouse’s unit, but having at least one person you can turn to is invaluable. Military life can be isolating if you don’t put yourself out there. Making an effort to meet others who understand your lifestyle will make a world of difference.
2. Know What Each Base Has to Offer You and Your Kids
One of the great things about military life is the family resources available at every base. Many installations offer programs specifically designed for children of military families, ranging from mommy-and-me groups to preschool programs to teen clubs. These programs are often very affordable, and they provide excellent opportunities for kids to socialize and for parents to connect.
If you’re a new mom, look into parent support groups or playgroups on base. If you have older kids, explore the extracurricular activities, sports teams, and tutoring programs available. Many bases also have libraries, parks, and family-friendly events that make military life a little easier and more enjoyable. The key is to take the time to explore what’s available and take advantage of these resources.
3. Establish a Routine
Having a routine is crucial—especially when your soldier is gone. Whether they’re away for a few weeks of training or a months-long deployment, a structured routine helps you and your children adjust and manage daily life more smoothly.
When my husband is away, I stick to a daily schedule that includes meals, school drop-offs and pick-ups, homework, activities, and bedtime routines. A structured day provides predictability for the kids, which is comforting during times of change. As they get older, their school schedules and extracurricular activities help fill the time, making long separations easier to handle.
A routine also helps you as a mom. Knowing what to expect each day creates a sense of stability, and having designated time for yourself—whether it’s for a hobby, a workout, or a moment of quiet—can help reduce stress and prevent burnout.
4. Communicate with Your Kids About Absences
Explaining a military parent’s absence to young children can be challenging. When our boys were little, we used simple phrases to help them understand. We told them, “Daddy has to go to big work,” to explain why he was gone for long periods.
Now that they’re older, we talk about deployments and training more openly, making sure they understand that Daddy is away for his job but will be back. I make it a point to check in with them, answer their questions, and reassure them when they miss him.
There are also great resources available, like books and videos tailored to military kids, that help them cope with separation. Some families use countdown chains, maps, or recorded bedtime stories to keep their deployed parent present in their child’s daily routine.
5. Be Okay with Being Alone—But Also Build a Community
This might be one of the hardest lessons I’ve learned. When your spouse is away, there will be moments when you are truly alone. Even if you’ve built a strong community, there will still be evenings when the kids are asleep, and it’s just you.
For some, this can be really tough. I’ve always been more introverted and enjoy spending time at home, working on my hobbies, but even I’ve had moments where loneliness creeps in. That’s why it’s important to find a balance. Make an effort to nurture friendships and participate in your community, but also find things that bring you joy when you’re alone.
Take up a hobby, start a new book, learn a new skill—anything that keeps your mind engaged and gives you something to look forward to. At the same time, don’t hesitate to reach out when you need support. Military spouse groups, church communities, and online support forums can be great places to connect with others who understand what you’re going through.
Final Thoughts
Military life and motherhood are both demanding roles, and combining the two requires resilience, flexibility, and a willingness to embrace the unknown. It’s not always easy, and there will be days when it feels downright impossible. But it is possible, and it can be a fulfilling and rewarding experience.
The key is to build a support network, take advantage of the resources available to you, establish routines that work for your family, communicate openly with your children, and find ways to stay connected—even when your spouse is miles away.
To all the new military spouses and moms out there—you’ve got this. You are stronger than you think, and there is an entire community ready to support you. Keep moving forward, take things one day at a time, and know that you’re not alone in this journey.
